The Final Year

Have
you ever been so frustrated and insulted by someone that your tongue refuses to
release the epithet sent to it by your raging brain? I rarely get so angry that
I am totally speechless, but when I do, I want to have a universal, hostile,
intelligent response ready at my mental fingertips. I believe I have found it.
You may not think it is all that revolutionary or even very insulting, but
before you judge it, let me explain.

The word is "Loser".

Think about it carefully. What if someone were a true loser, meaning that they
lose when they attempt ANYthing. There is no possibility for a career, because
they would never get into any school they apply to, and never get any job they
want. They would never have any friends, because they would lose them before
they even got to know each other. They certainly would have no significant
other in any sense of the word. Forever left wanting, they would
have no family, no money, no respect, no talents, and be completely miserable
their entire lives. They would live on the street with not even clothes on
their backs, because they would always lose their stuff to someone else. The
only thing left to do would be to dig a hole in the ground (with their bare hands)
to give some shelter from the elements. But then the hole would collapse in on
them, and they would die suffocating on dirt.

That is the lot of the loser, and I cannot think of any lesser fate than that.

Think of other insults you can call people-

JERK (aka asshole, motherf*$#@r, jackass): Sure, they’re mean. But at least
they are enjoying themselves on a superficial level. And they certainly have no
restrictions on quality of life. In fact, many in this category succeed
tremendously BECAUSE of their demeanor.

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UGLY PIECE OF S#*T (aka fatass, smelly, disgusting): Perhaps the most personal
of insults, it is also not very cumbersome. There are plenty of extremely
successful ugly people. Just look at Congress. And there are just as many ugly
men as there are ugly women (or so I am told). Matches made in heaven, they
are. Sure, the children suffer, but that’s another matter.

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RETARD (aka dumbass, idiot, f*&kup): Ok, it would be not so great to live
life as a person of below-average intelligence. Even simple things are hard when
you don’t understand the world around you. But there is truth to
"ignorance is bliss", and a happy life is very possible in this
situation. An idiot never wants anything, and usually gets more than that.

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WEAK SAUCE (aka wimp, chicken, lily-livered, pu#%y): Ah, now we’re getting somewhere. The
weak, mortal enemy of the jerk, have a lot of trouble in life. Unfortunately,
society worships strength, so a wimp’s existence gets continuously more
difficult as they interact with more jerks. This is somewhat close to being a
loser, but is also my personal favorite category, as wimps tend to be easier to
get along with. However, they also tend to get caught up in cults, crazy religions,
evil conglomerates, and tobacco companies as mid-level yes-men. So it’s a
trade-off.

I could continue with the list, but you get my point. There
is surely no greater tragedy than the life of a Loser. Now when you’re really
pissed off, speechless with anger, go ahead and drop the L bomb. Just remember,
they might not get it. But you do, and that makes them such a loser.